Over the weekend, I had a conversation with someone about the difficulty behind saying “no.” To my comfort, I know I am not the only one facing this constant battle between standing up for myself or complying with others’ opinions. I realized there are times where we lose sight of our own goals and accomplishments for the sake of others; we become people pleasers to assure we are accepted and liked by others; however, internally, we might not be happy. Many times, attached to this idea, is that of feeling guilty or ashamed for saying “no” to someone due to feeling like we let them down or did not appear to care enough for them.
While I was having this conversation with the individual, I realized this idea in me stemmed from my childhood as we were always taught to be selfless and polite. It was wrong to say “no’ to our grandparents or deny food, even if we’re not hungry anymore. Essentially, it was part of our manners and “no” could not exist in our vocabulary when it carried some effect on another individual. Over the years, I began to let go of that mindset and explored how different life would be IF I were to say no to someone. I discovered there are occasions where “no” is perhaps not an option, however, most of the time, we get to choose our response to any question. With that being said, I wanted to share some ideas in which saying “no’ is appropriate.
Scenarios in which you are feeling obligated to do something, feeling uncomfortable, or stressed are great areas to practice saying “no” as a proactive strategy to prevent the things mentioned above. When we are losing sight of our opinion and allowing others to decide for us, we commence an unhealthy cycle of devaluing our time and energy. Sometimes we feel stressed or anxious about something or when we think of someone, but when we reflect on why, we come to a conclusion that many times we cause stress and anxiety on ourselves as a result of saying “no.” For this reason, it is essential to listen to your body and heart recognizing that you know yourself best and know what you need and do not need. Be comfortable standing up for yourself because if you don’t do it for yourself, perhaps no one else will.
While saying “no” to someone can be a challenge, there are different ways to say “no” that might help you feel more at ease. Some of those ways are “I am grateful you invited me, but today I can’t attend,” “Sadly, I have another commitment,” “Unfortunately I already had plans. Maybe next time!” or “No thanks, but that sounds amazing.” Although these phrases are not the only ones that are available as a replacement for simply saying “no,” it greatly benefits you to discover what you are comfortable saying. After all, it is of importance to keep in mind that other people have said “no” to someone at one point therefore, by you saying “no” it does not affect your relationship in a negative way, but rather opens the space for healthy and trustworthy relationships.
Therefore, I encourage you to stand up for yourself, but above all be true to yourself. It can be challenging to do so when we want to feel accepted and a part of something, however, we must also recognize people should accept us for who we are not for who we are forced to be. Hence, challenge yourself to say “no” when you’d rather take a nap or watch a movie instead of hanging out with your friends or attending that one party you got invited to. Take care of yourself and discover how courageous you can be, and you will find your happiness.
Written by : Rachel Garcia; Masters Level Intern at Olive Branch
If you need support, live in the Chicago area, and would like to speak to a professional counselor, please contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. at 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819 West 167th Street in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477.
Reference:
CounselingMatters.live 
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