How to Support a Loved One in an Abusive Relationship

Naturally, we want the people in our lives to engage in healthy and fulfilling romantic relationships. Unfortunately, this is not always how relationships work. As an outsider looking at another’s relationship, we may begin to pick up on destructive relational dynamics or signs of abuse. What do we do? For most people, our first instinct may be to tell our loved one to get out as fast as they can. We want to save them. Domestic abuse is often not that simple. There are many reasons that survivors stay with their abuser and abuse can present itself in numerous ways. How, then, can we help and support a survivor?

                The greatest gift you can give to a survivor is your emotional support. What does this look like? Providing emotional support means validating that the relationship they find themselves in is difficult and scary, but empowering this person to believe that there are options for them. When speaking with a survivor, never judge, criticize, or make them feel guilty over the choices that they make in the relationship. Talking about their abusive partner negatively is not supportive. Keep the focus on the survivor. The truth is that we cannot rescue others. At the end of the day, the survivor is responsible for taking control of their own life and making the decision to save themselves. If this person needs moral support in seeking legal services or safety services, offer to go with them.

                There are other ways you can assist a survivor beyond providing emotional support. You can offer to help store an emergency bag that you will keep safe for them in case of an emergency. You may offer to store important documents that the survivor does not want destroyed by or in the hands of their partner. Assistance can be given in identifying resources for housing, food, mobility, or healthcare. You should encourage them to talk to experts in situations like theirs by reaching out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline or a counselor. With their permission, you can offer to help document instances of their domestic violence by keeping track of dates of incidents, taking pictures of physical abuse sustained or damaged property, and keeping transcriptions of the details regarding these interactions. Be conscious of your use of social media. Do not post pictures or information about the survivor that could be used to identify them or where they may be. 1.800.799.7233 is the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Save this number in your phone and pass it on.              

If you would like to speak to a professional counselor or psychologist about domestic violence and reside in Illinois, please contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. at 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819 West 167^th Street in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477.

Hillary R.,

Masters Level Intern, 2024

Sources –

Ways to support. The Hotline. (2021, July 16). https://www.thehotline.org/support-others/ways-to-support-a-domestic-violence-survivor/