Attachment is the emotional bond between the infant and caregiver that occurs gradually over the first year of childhood. There are four different styles in this theory by psychologist John Bowlby. Attachment theory consists of secure attachment, anxious attachment (aka preoccupied), avoidant attachment (or dismissive), and disorganized attachment. The last three styles are considered insecure attachment styles. What attachment style one may have depends on the person’s experience with their caregivers as a child and whether or not their needs were met consistently. When the child’s needs are not met or are inconsistent, they may have a different attachment style that is not secure.
If someone has a secure attachment style, then they are more trusting and can express their emotions, thoughts, or needs. They are comfortable depending on their partners and the people in their lives. Someone with a secure attachment will feel safe and secure in their relationship and not worry about being abandoned or forgotten about. They are supportive, open, and respond well to honest discussions, and can have long-lasting relationships.
Anxious attachment, otherwise known as preoccupied attachment, is considered an insecure attachment style. Adults with this attachment style in a relationship will be afraid of being abandoned and left alone. They will become very anxious when they see a shift in their partner’s behavior and they will assume the worst. Most people with anxious attachment are people pleasers and will give up certain things to make sure their partner does not leave them. If the relationship does end, they will be extremely devastated and try to hold onto it for as long as possible.
Avoidant attachment, or dismissive, is another insecure attachment style. People with this style tend to avoid being in a relationship so that they do not have to depend on their partner. They like to think they are better off by themselves and do not like people to depend on them either. With avoidant attachment, people are cautious of trusting people. When they are in relationships, they may appear emotionally distant and easily overwhelmed. They are not the biggest fans of being open with their feelings and emotions.
Lastly, disorganized attachment, which is also an insecure attachment, is a mixture of an anxious and avoidant attachment. Because of this, their partners or people in their lives may be confused by their behavior. They crave having a relationship but also fear being in one which can cause them to switch between being distant and vulnerable with their partner. They have a fear of being abandoned and want to protect themselves. They may also find it difficult to express their emotions and needs and self-sabotage their relationships.
If you would like to learn about your attachment style and work through it and would like to talk to a professional counselor, please contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. at 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819 167th Street in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477. We would be happy to be of service.
References:
https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-style-worksheets
https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-styles-2795344#toc-avoidant-attachment-characteristics
Written By: Emme D.
Undergrad Intern 2024
CounselingMatters.live 
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