The teenage years are a crucial time of change and development. The family dynamic might change as the growing teens seek more autonomy and independence, and the parents try to maintain rules, protection and guidance. This combination creates tension and conflict between teens and parents. Learning how to diffuse conflict and maintain respect and connection between parents and teens is crucial. Although it might not be easy to do, after reading the article De-escalating Conflict between Parents and Teens, I learned a few tips that can be helpful for parents and counselors working with teens and families.
The first skill is Active Listening, which involves both teens and parents expressing their side of the story and listening without judgement. The article also mentions how each can take turns paraphrasing what the other has said. Additionally, when a teen has a slip up, Bray suggests to parents that instead of scolding or trying to fix the problem, learn to explore what led the teen to that behavior. This can help with trust and strengthening the relationship versus getting angry and not understanding what is going on in the teens’ lives.
When a parent demands respect from their teens, it is common for the parent to become frustrated if they do not get the response they want. This creates more conflict and no respect from either side. Instead, Bray suggests to parents if the teen is not respectful, instead getting angry ask for a do-over and give them a minute to think of what they said. This helps with further escalation and problem diffusion. Bray also suggests for parents to take a break if they feel like they are not making any progress.
Lastly, the article mentions activating the Wise Mind, which is a common ground between the emotional and rational mind. It is like putting both of those parts together and making decisions in a more thoughtful and confident way. Helping teens strengthen their wise minds can be useful to help them make decisions and foster healthy relationships and autonomy. Developing the Wise Mind takes practice and self-exploration. It can be difficult for a teen to develop their autonomy if there is conflict at home, but guiding teens to recognize their values and what they can control can make things easier by reducing power struggles and encourage open communication which can strengthen the parent and teen relationship.
If you or someone you know is struggling to manage parent-teen conflict, or if your teen is experiencing mental health challenges, feel free to contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. on 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819-167th St. in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477. We are here to support you and your family.
Mariana Rodriguez Graduate Intern, 2025.
Reference:
Bethany Bray. (2022, October). De-escalating conflict between parents and teens. http://www.counseling.org. https://www.counseling.org/publications/counseling-today-magazine/article-archive/article/legacy/de-escalating-conflict-between-parents-and-teens#
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