Defense Mode Vs. Discover Mode

In his book titled The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt (2024) proposed that different parenting styles and decisions cause children to grow up practicing habits in two different modes: defense mode and discover mode. Defense mode is self-explanatory in that it occurs when someone is trying to identify a threat and defend themselves from it. This mode is chronically activated for those with chronic anxiety (Haidt 2024). This mode is activated too frequently in kids whose parents keep them from doing riskier activities on their own. In the 1980’s more protective parenting became more common. Less and less parents were letting their kids go out and do things on their own due to fear of dangers such as kidnapping and sex trafficking. This created less-independent adults as time went on and the cycle of over-protective parenting became more and more extreme, affecting newer generations at heightened levels.

            Discover mode is activated in someone when they identify opportunity. Haidt (2024) uses an example of discovering a cherry tree in a forest when you are hungry. You are filled with excitement and positive emotions to satisfy your hunger. Parents who allow their kids to learn consequences on their own and face a limited amount of danger while growing up, tend to raise kids who turn into independent adults who seek opportunity and personal growth.

            It is clear to see that if a child is raised in constant defense mode and not encouraged to discover things on their own, it is detrimental to the adult they turn into. Another example used by Haidt (2024) in his book is how trees actually need to experience wind in order to grow sustainable, strong bark and root foundation. If a tree is in a climate, or a biosphere, where there is little-to-no wind, it will eventually topple down on its own, not meeting it’s maximum potential of life, because its bark and roots are not used to support the weight as the tree continues to grow. Congruently, according to Haidt (2024), if you do not let your child learn consequences on their own, they will not be strong enough to handle the consequences of the real world when they are adults.

            If you wish to learn more about parenting styles or how to control your defensive mode, book an appointment with us at Olive Branch Counseling Associates by calling 708-633-8000. Our professional therapists offer a wide range of services both in-person at our office located at 6819—167^th St. in Tinley Park, IL 60477 and via telehealth. We would love to help!

Myleigh, undergrad intern, 2025

Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc.

Reference:

Haidt, J. (2024). The anxious generation: How the great rewiring of childhood is causing an

            epidemic of mental illness. Penguin Random House.