This past holiday season, I had a very powerful experience. I was reminded how much of what we choose to focus on can influence our perspective. Now, this is something I know not only in theory, but internally. Over years of time and various encounters, I have come to understand that what I choose to make important becomes important. The attitude I have about a situation sets the tone for the situation. I think we often forget that we have the freedom to choose what to focus on and what kind of attitude we want to have as we move through life.
If you are unaware from reading previous blogs, I am white, and my boyfriend is Hispanic. His family is in Mexico, so his close friends here are akin to family for him. When I attend one of their parties, in every instance thus far, I am the only white person in attendance. This is not an issue for me. What is an issue for me is that I am the only person that cannot speak Spanish. I am sometimes the only one, besides my boyfriend, who does speak English. In the past, this has made me feel very left out.
Seriously. The only class I ever had to drop as a college student was Spanish. After over a decade in the real world at thirty-four, I can say that that skill would have been more useful than anything else I did in my undergrad. Anyway, that’s where I am at. So, when I first started attending these parties, I was attached to my boyfriend’s hip. I barely spoke any Spanish, so I stood next to him so that he could translate the conversations that were happening around us for me. It was exhausting.
Anytime he asked me to attend one of these parties, I honestly got stressed out about it. I wanted to go, I wanted to have fun, I wanted to be supportive to my partner. I was just so not looking forward to struggling through conversations with people. It was embarrassing. It was humbling. I got anxiety about it. It made my stomach hurt. However, I am glad I experienced those feelings. I didn’t like the attitude I had about going to these parties, and I couldn’t have this attitude for the rest of my life. So, I decided to change it.
This past Christmas Eve, I attended another party with my boyfriend. I decided that while I knew I spoke a different language than most people there, and while that was a huge difference, we had more similarities than we had differences. We were all just human beings getting together to have a good time and laugh and eat good food and drink Modelos. For the first time, I wasn’t afraid to stray away from my boyfriend. In fact, I realized I had been picking up on more Spanish lately than I realized and was able to make small conversation with people. I understood a lot of what was being said, even if I couldn’t respond. I sang Spanish karaoke; I mean I can read it even though I don’t know what I am saying!
What happened this past holiday was that I decided to change my attitude about attending these parties. I wanted to have fun, so I made the decision to have fun. I chose to focus on what I had in common with the other people around me, and because of that, I felt like part of the group. What I chose to focus on influenced my perception. Because I chose to focus on something positive, my experience was influenced in a positive way.
If you would like to speak to a professional counselor or psychologist about this and are in the Chicago area, please feel free to contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. at 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819 West 167th Street in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477.
Hillary R.,
Masters Level Intern, 2024
CounselingMatters.live 
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