When We Are Not in The Mood

                Often, when I am sad or angry, I know of a million and one things I can do to make myself feel better. But I’m not in the mood. I could go on a walk with my dogs, but I am not in the mood. I could call up a friend, but I am not in the mood. I could put on my favorite playlist and do a facemask, but again, I am not in the mood. We are all aware of the things that we can do that will bring us pleasure and help us relax. However, when we are down, sometimes we tell ourselves that we must be in a good mood before we can do those enjoyable activities. I invite you to challenge that thought the next time you are not in the mood.

                Engaging in enjoyable activities often brings, you may have guessed it, pleasure! Of course, it is important to acknowledge and process our emotions. Although, after we have done so, we may be tempted to sulk. Perhaps, we think that we do not deserve to feel good after dealing with difficult emotions. Perhaps we deny ourselves pleasure for some time afterwards as a form of self-punishment. Perhaps it is easier to stay in the emotional state that we are in rather than challenge those emotions. I get it. I have done all those things.

                In my own therapeutic journey, I often had many reasons for why I could not engage in one pleasurable activity or another. All those reasons were derived from the fact that I was not in the mood. I could go to a party, but I feel shy. I could go to the gym, but I am not feeling good about myself. I could make that hair appointment, but I have too much on my plate. I was challenged by my own therapist to go through the motions and see what happened. Go to the party. Go to the gym. Make the hair appointment.

                I was not in the mood, but I went through the motions. Surprisingly, most of the time, the mood came after I started engaging in the activity. Try it. You can hold onto your bad mood in the beginning but get yourself into the physical space of engaging in the activity. Engage. Many wonderful things can happen. When I engaged socially, I forgot about my shyness and got lost in conversation with others. When I went to the gym, I held on to my negative thoughts, but the activity acted as a form of catharsis. When I made the hair appointment, I enjoyed talking to my hairdresser and let myself feel pretty when my hair was done. We may not always be in the mood, but sometimes, our minds need a little encouragement. Try to meet your mind halfway, put it into a space where it might realize it is, in fact, in the mood.

If you would like to speak to a professional counselor or psychologist about this and are in the Chicago area, please feel free to contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. at 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819 West 167^th Street in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477.

Written By: Hillary Ray, Masters Level Intern 2023