Self-compassion is a fairly new phenomenon that I just recently learned about in one of my classes. After hearing about this concept that psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff coined, I decided to do some research to see what it is, how it works and benefits the person, and how it differs from self-esteem. Self-compassion, as Dr. Neff depicts, is treating yourself as you would a good friend. It is the idea of being gentle with yourself, not ignoring your shortcomings or your pain, but allowing yourself to work through it in a gentle manner. To put this in perspective, Dr. Neff states on her website, “You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness.”
There are three components of self-compassion. The first one is self-kindness. This includes being gentle with yourself, and accepting yourself with sympathy and kindness. The second element is common humanity- the fact that we have a shared human experience across the world in our imperfections. The last element of self-compassion is mindfulness. To engage in mindfulness, the person must allow themselves to sit with their pain and thoughts and be willing to observe them so that they can achieve clarity. It is not an excuse or exercise to hyper fixate on the thought, but a way to extend grace to yourself.
Self-compassion is different from self-esteem as the latter refers to “our sense of self-worth, perceived value, or how much we like ourselves” (Dr. Kristen Neff). Rather than trying to make ourselves feel better than others or try to stand out and be special as self-esteem encourages, self-compassion focuses on extending grace and understanding to the self without harboring negative and toxic thoughts about ourselves. It creates space for the person to open their heart to themselves, which in return allows them to provide more compassion for others.
Some ways you can engage in self-compassion are 1) checking in on yourself throughout the day and seeing what needs you may have at that moment. Do you need to take a break from homework? Do you need to recharge? 2) Journaling when you are down or frustrated. Notice the patterns that have formed about how you treat yourself and turn them around by replacing them with phrases like “You are okay. You are safe. You are doing a good job.” 3) Practice self-acceptance. By comforting yourself and accepting yourself as a human who makes mistakes like every other human, you create space for compassion and gentleness. Remember to be kind to yourself. You do not have to get it right on the first try.
If you would like to speak to a professional counselor about self-kindness, self-esteem, or other mental health topics, please feel free to contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. at 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819 167th Street in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477. We would be happy to be of service.
References:
https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion
Written by: Emme D.
Undergrad Intern 2024
CounselingMatters.live 
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