Have you ever been on a first date? Can you recall your emotions from that day? Was the date how you expected it to be, better, or worse? Seriously though, were you able to sleep the night before?
First dates could be scary no matter the time you have been talking to your partner or crush. Honestly, that’s normal. It is part of the dating process, and your nerves tend to be a sign for you that you are interested in the person and so you want everything to be perfect to proceed forward with the relationship. If you were like me, picking out the outfit can be the first struggle on top of the makeup, shoes, nails, hair, time management and MANY more things. Days like these tend to be the days where everything is supposed to flow smoothly, but no, the things you did not plan end up happening. I know, the worst! While you prepare for the date and feel all the nerves, there are also healthy coping skills that you can implement to ease the feelings and be your true self. Essentially, if the person is the one made for you, you do not need to pretend to be someone you are not because they will love you just as you are.
I was recently talking to a divorced woman who was going on a date once again after some time of not dating or even being interested in a man. We had the opportunity to revisit those feelings and recall every instance that we enjoyed and despised from the moment together. Not surprised though, we both shared how nervous we were to wear the fancy clothes and try to look “cute” to impress, because of course, we wanted to impress. After some conversation though, we also expressed how much we learned about ourselves as the person we had our very first date with is no longer in our lives therefore, we appreciated growth, maturity, and respect towards ourselves. When we are too busy focusing on what our partner might think of us, we forget who we truly are and do not allow the other person to know us fully. I would say, however, to not pour your deepest darkest secrets on your first date, test it out, reflect on the date, and decide whether this is someone you want to get to know more and perhaps start a future with.
To alleviate those nerves, being mindful and present is very important. Many times, we are so focused on what to wear, what to talk about, what food to order, or how to act that we lose sight of the present and wire our brain to focus on the future. On top of that, we begin to create scenarios in our heads without having any evidence that things will occur how we thought they would. Therefore, make use of grounding techniques to focus your mind back to the present; look around you, what do you see, smell, hear, touch, and taste? Doing so, grounds you back to the present moment which can help alleviate the anxiety we most likely are experiencing.
After all, maybe you gave up on dating because you have always been disappointed or on the other hand, maybe you have never been on a first date. I encourage you to learn more about yourself regarding what challenges you are facing that impede you from going on a date. Not only that, but what areas in your life need to be healed to feel comfortable opening your heart to another person. Be yourself and trust your instincts when on a date. Being nervous is okay, but being yourself is even better. Enjoy the moment and be proud of the person you are becoming. Do not give up if your date does not turn out how it should have, there are different lessons to learn in these scenarios not only about others but ourselves too. Be patient, kind, and comfortable living in discomfort.
Written by : Rachel Garcia; Masters Level Intern at Olive Branch
If you need support, live in the Chicago area, and would like to speak to a professional counselor, please contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. at 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819 West 167th Street in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477.
Resources:
CounselingMatters.live 
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