Perfectionism and Procrastination

I was thrilled to be back in school. I completed my undergrad in 2012. I had a nice, long break. I was ready to dive back into grad school with full force. It all began very well. I was soaking it all up. A little counselor-in-training sponge. If I loved this all so much, though, why was I having trouble completing my assignments? I wanted to write the papers, but I was terrified to write the papers. I started putting things off in extreme fashion. Presentation? I’ll sign up for the last slot. Seven-page paper? I’ll do that the night before. I started cutting it close. However, I was getting great grades. So, it seemed, the only consequences I really suffered were the immensely stressful experiences of trying to complete something the night before it was due.

After operating that way for two semesters, I finally had an awakening. I had a zoom presentation with my professor at ten in the morning. A twenty-minute conversational presentation on the topic of my choice. I was tired after work the night before. I decided to wake up at five in the morning to start working on the presentation that was due at ten in the morning. It was a disaster. The presentation itself went along fine. I, however, was snake eyed. I was annoyed with myself. Most importantly, this is not how I typically operated. I was never a procrastinator in my previous career. What was going on?

What I did not realize at the time was that my new friend procrastination was really my old friend perfectionism with a new haircut. While I have done a great deal of work to accept myself, my body, and all my quirks over the past decade, I still have perfectionistic tendencies. Perfectionists tend to have very black and white thinking. We are the all or nothing folks. If everyone does not love me, that must mean there is something wrong with me. If I do not get an A, then that must mean I am stupid. This is an exhausting way to approach life!

I could not continue to torture myself that way. I reflected on what was really going on inside my brain. The truth was, I feared not getting an A. I treated every assignment and paper like it was an assessment of myself as a person. Assignments and papers are assessments in a way, they are to assess what you got out of the learning materials assigned. I began to remind myself constantly that I am here to learn. I am not expected to be an expert at anything at this stage. My fear of failure was preventing me from enjoying the learning process.

Now, I schedule my assignments in a timely fashion. When it is time to sit down and complete an assignment or work on a paper, I do it. I do it even when I am not feeling good about myself that day. I do it even when the material is particularly challenging. It might not be the greatest paper I have ever written. My classmates may have done a better job with the assignment. But guess what? The night before something is due, I am eating chicken wings and watching Netflix with my family. I already turned in my assignment.

If you would like to speak to a professional counselor or psychologist about this and are in the Chicago area, please feel free to contact Olive Branch Counseling Associates, Inc. at 708-633-8000. We are located at 6819 West 167^th Street in Tinley Park, Illinois 60477.

Hillary R.,

Masters Level Intern, 2023

Sources –

Christian, L. (2022, November 28). What causes procrastination (and 7 real solutions). SoulSalt. https://soulsalt.com/what-causes-procrastination/